Prayer of Hannah and Birth Control

Friday, July 9, 2010

Prayer of Hannah is my favorite Christian Mom blog. It is written by a great group of Christian ladies and the best part is that they are all different so they all have something new to say on any particular topic. Often times when I am bored I will read through their old archives. Last night I came across their birth control posts and this link to Desiring God on Does the Bible permit birth control? It is a very good read for anyone who is married.

Obviously we were not using birth control after Kenley because we are excited and ready to expand our family. Unfortunately many people, especially at church, have given us odd reactions. After our Pastor announced our pregnancy and Jim and Jenny's pregnancy the congregation didn't seem to care. Obviously our close friends were really excited but for the most part I could tell that people were judging us because Kenley is only 11 months. After I left the sanctuary that morning the first thing someone said to me was "Isn't it a little soon?" I played it off and didn't say anything to respond but my honest reaction is No. It is not too soon. God did not make a mistake by blessing us with another child. His timing is perfect. ALL THE TIME! I was telling my friend Emma who is also pregnant that I want to make a shirt that says "Yes, it was on purpose."

So, what is our stance on birth control? Honestly when we first got married I went on the pill because that is what you do. I do not necessarily regret going on the pill but I regret that it was not a thought through decision. We just chose that because that is what everyone else I knew had done. I never had any problems being on the pill other than gaining weight. I wanted to go off the pill because I was tired of putting hormones into my body and I thought that since it took my parents so long to conceive me that it would probably take us a long time too. Little did we know that it would happen that first month off of the pill. I am thankful for the time that Brian and I were able to spend just the two of us. I am glad that we didn't have a baby right away. I know that the timing Kenley came along was perfect for OUR family. At this season in our lives we desire for God to grow our family and do not plan on using birth control. Our stance might change once Brian is done with MECEP and there will be times of deployments in our future, it might even change once the new baby comes... Kenley is so good that I think this one will give me a run for my money!

We want a big family. Sometimes we say we want to be like the Duggars. Most times I say that I want 5 and then to adopt. But honestly no matter how many kids we have it will not make us "more spiritual" no matter how many kids we adopt it will not make us "more spiritual". I worry about how easy it is for us to wear those things as badges of pride amongst fellow believers. May our desire be to bring God honor in whatever situation He gives us and not use it to make others feel not good enough if they choose a different path than ours. May we focus on teaching the children that we have about Christ. One of the main things that I have learned through this pregnancy is how easy it is to be critical of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ if they don't do things the way that we would have done them. It is so easy to be judgemental of people and this pregnancy was a good reminder of how it feels to be judged. Convicting!

So... thoughts? Let me hear what you think! You get extra credit for reading that whole long thing through!

15 comments:

Christy said...

First of all, I hadn't heard that Jim and Jenny are pregnant! Praise the Lord! And congratulations to them!!!

Second of all, I would like to point out that even if your pregnancy hadn't been "on purpose" it still wouldn't be "too soon." God has created a new life in you and as you said His timing is always perfect.

You know my thoughts on the matter as we have talked about it before. Thanks for sharing your heart. I hope that it will cause others to think about the "why" behind the "what" in this area.

Emily said...

Keri-
I wrote you a long message in Facebook please excuse my typo errors.

Joyful said...

Keri! Oddly enough, I read that article from Desiring God when Kyle and I first got married. We struggled a bit on the matter of birth control, bc I was not convicted about taking it and was raised in a way where it was "wise" to wait and build a strong foundation for our marriage before bringing a child into our lives as a married couple. Kyle, on the other hand had different beliefs. He felt that we should not use anything and "let God work."

After much "discussion" we sought much counsel from mature Christian couples and did our research. I prayed that if I was in the wrong that God would change my heart and attitude. But I also prayed that if were it His will, to change Kyle's heart and attitude. It was a rough couple of weeks, but after Kyle and I prayed, discussed and even fasted, we both came to the conclusion to stay on the pill for at least the first year of our marriage. (Needless to say, I was relieved.)

But now talking to Kyle about it, we feel that was the best decision for our marriage! Our first year of marriage was ROUGH!! To imagine adding the responsibility of another individual into the picture would NOT have been wise. We moved overseas, which was huge and a tough transition. We learned that we really only have God (and each other) to rely on. K and I are both stubborn people, so the first year together wasn't as most people think the first year would be- all rosy and have warm fuzzy feelings.

But, God is good. We have learned SO much in this time and are still continuing to grow. But after our year was up of being on the pill, we decided to get off of it and see what happens. And well, you see what happened. :) But I was at a total peace about getting off the pill bc Kyle and I had bathed this in prayer.

Will we use BC after Isaiah is born? Maybe. We aren't sure where or what kind of situation our little family will be in, so we want to do the wisest thing. Do I believe children are a gift from God? Absolutely! Kyle and I have decided on having 4 children... but it's so funny how us humans plan everything out. I think God sometimes laughs and says... who do they think they are? I'm going to give them 12 children!!! Or maybe he'll only allow us to have 2. Who knows. I know he's bigger then any birth control though. But I also know he wants us to be wise stewards. Which includes our families.

There. That's my input. :)

P.S. I have a ocuple of friends pregnant with their 4th child and they say they get judged ALL the time. People see them lugging around three children and pregnant with another one and almost have this disgusted look on their face. My friend told me that she gets comments all the time like, "You DO know where kids come from, right?" How ignorant! I'm not writing this to discourage you. Just to show you that's the society we live in. That people have forgotten children are a blessing and what our jobs as parents are. They are too busy being selfish in their own little worlds to realize what they are missing out on!

Love you guys!! And keep us updated on the new little one. :)

Joyful said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily @ Longley's in San Diego said...

Good post! I honestly think it's how each couple feels about the situation. You should never let some random person tell you what's best for your life and family.

Kelly said...

When Liz was 6 months old I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. That was good for the comments and I wondered how people felt when I lost the baby. And when I was pregnant with your friend Emma people asked why I desired a 3rd child since I already had the "perfect" family with one girl and one boy. Could you imagine a world without Emma?
Children are a personal decision to be made between a husband and wife with God in the lead. I did not expect to be pregnant when my 1st was 6 months old, but we didn't do birth control because it took over a year to conceive the 1st time. But I still trusted that God was in control.
If you are responsible parents and can care for and provide for the children you have planned then don't let the world discourage you.
You two are loved by many, just as your babies will be :)

Kimi said...

My dear friend Keri,

I want to thank you SO much for sharing your heart and your sentiments in your blog! You encourage me every day.

Additionally, yes, it was a long post! lol. But don't be self-conscious. The Lord is ready and waiting for you - always. He meets us where where we are.

I LOVE the Duggar family. One thing I love most about them (and you!)is the fact that they may share their convictions (marital, familial, and personal), but they (nor you) do not force those convictions upon others.

I always say, "Praise the Lord that the Duggars are called to that responsibility of raising all those kids. I am not called to do that at this time, but I'm so thankful God found good, righteous, and morally upstanding people to do the job for furthering His kingdom!"

Keri, I love you guys, and I truly believe that you know where the Lord is leading you, because you put God first. Don't let anyone get you down. Comments, thoughts, even looks and glances of others do not hold a candle to Jesus - your Savior.

Robert and I are SO happy for you, and we can't wait for the Lord to call upon our hearts to become parents. I am on BC right now, but it's also health-related - not just a choice of personal preference. So, when we feel God's calling, I hope we don't have a hard time conceiving, because of it, but your post so encouraged me to check out my heart's condition and attitude.

Since moving into our new house, MANY people have asked if it was because we were expecting. (I.e., bigger house = bigger family). I laugh it off and say no, but sometimes it hurts. I mean really hurts. It's not for anyone to judge or say when to bring children into the world; it is all up to the Lord.

I'm praying for you, friend, and I KNOW you're doing what's right for you and your family. Philippians 4:13.

Kimi said...

My dear friend Keri,

I want to thank you SO much for sharing your heart and your sentiments in your blog! You encourage me every day.

Additionally, yes, it was a long post! lol. But don't be self-conscious. The Lord is ready and waiting for you - always. He meets us where where we are.

I LOVE the Duggar family. One thing I love most about them (and you!)is the fact that they may share their convictions (marital, familial, and personal), but they (nor you) do not force those convictions upon others.

I always say, "Praise the Lord that the Duggars are called to that responsibility of raising all those kids. I am not called to do that at this time, but I'm so thankful God found good, righteous, and morally upstanding people to do the job for furthering His kingdom!"

Keri, I love you guys, and I truly believe that you know where the Lord is leading you, because you put God first. Don't let anyone get you down. Comments, thoughts, even looks and glances of others do not hold a candle to Jesus - your Savior.

Robert and I are SO happy for you, and we can't wait for the Lord to call upon our hearts to become parents. I am on BC right now, but it's also health-related - not just a choice of personal preference. So, when we feel God's calling, I hope we don't have a hard time conceiving, because of it, but your post so encouraged me to check out my heart's condition and attitude.

Since moving into our new house, MANY people have asked if it was because we were expecting. (I.e., bigger house = bigger family). I laugh it off and say no, but sometimes it hurts. I mean really hurts. It's not for anyone to judge or say when to bring children into the world; it is all up to the Lord.

I'm praying for you, friend, and I KNOW you're doing what's right for you and your family. Philippians 4:13.

Melissa said...

Kerri. Thanks for the link. Derek and I have been struggling over this lately, the bc that I was taking gave me horrible headaches, and we just weren't sure if it was morally correct. We decided to stop taking it (for now) It seems like the right decision for us right now. Of course, I don't have any baby stuff left! I do appreciate the link, and I get the extra credit because I read through the whole thing.

Melissa said...

Ps... I just read the Duggar's new book, I couldn't put it down.

Jenny said...

Keri,
I too am glad you posted your thoughts about this. I know you and I have briefly talked about this issue together. I've done "some" research on different types of birth control and though our conceiving troubles may have something to do with our decision (even though I want to think I would feel this way even if we conceived quickly), Jim and I both have decided never again to use any form of artifical birth control. I do believe it is a choice that a family must make with careful and considerate prayer. I definitely have my personal convictions about not using it. I did take the pill very briefly when Jim and I first got married because we too were told, "oh you can't just do nothing, you need to be on the pill" Well that only lasted about 3 or 4 months, but of course we did still end up with 2 years together without children. I am so sorry for all the comments you have had to endure. It even helps me and convicts me to be careful what I say about ANYONE in any situation. It is sad when a people called to live as Christ do not represent Him to others, especially our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I KNOW you and Brian will be the best parents for Kenley, this baby and all the other children God has planned to bless you with, WHENEVER that may be. I love you, thanks for sharing!

Radmacher's R US said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Radmacher's R US said...

I totally agree with you Keri! I know for me as well, I think so much about what other people are going to say. I see that you are really gettin confident in your decision, and are able to handle peoples comments, I know I just yell still.. haha... I commend you for your strength and for your decision. I think it is great! The Lord will bless us in HIS PERFECT TIMING... not anyones elses, not their opinions, that what they think... it matters what you and your husband want for YOUR family, and when the Lord thinks you are ready for that... and clearly He sees you and Brian as GREAT parents who are very ready... as He is blessing you with another little one...

We took the pill the first 3 months, then after me being so sick and such a pleasant women, we decided to go off and just be careful, but not freak out as we trusted in Gods timing, I am so glad we did! As I know you are too... I think you guys have it right, and although it is so hard to hear what others say, pray for Gods peace as it is the only thing that will help.

love ya, cant wait till you move home!!

Terri said...

Dear Keri (and this is the 3rd time I've tried to post on here....so we'll see if it works this time!)

You are wise beyond words! I am so fortunate to have you for a sweet daughter-in-law!

Mucho love! Terri

Cheryl Mills said...

Keri,
I periodically read your blog, and have found it to be very encouraging.

Don't let others comments bother you. David and I were pregnant with Brandon when Jamin was 9 months old. I wouldn't have had it any other way. And then Kyle came 21 months after Brandon. :) Boy, did I get the comments, even from my doctor!

As far as not using bc, people think you will have a tribe if you do not use it. I think we already know of several couples that do not even have one yet. God decides how many each will have, if any, and when they will come. His plan is perfect for each one of us.

David and I really wanted more, but ........ So it remains for each of us to trust in God's wisdom for our lives. God knew I would never have been able to handle a dozen kids. :)

Thanks for your posts and I really look forward to seeing you and Brian in WA soon.

 
FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATE BY DESIGNER BLOGS